"Stop looking at my status, I'm shy."
"Am I a bad person for wanting to choke the life out of someone?"
"My Internet suddenly stopped working.. then I realized our neighbors didn't pay the bill.. How irresponsible :D:D:D"
"Some people just make me laugh because they just don't realize how stupid they are."
"Have you ever noticed how Facebook is like prison? You sit around wasting time & writing on walls while being poked by people you haven't met.."
"Everyone is entitled to be stupid every now and then, but some abuse the privilege."
"Talking to yourself is completely normal. Arguing with yourself is also completely normal. However, if you lose the argument, then you need serious help."
"Dude your profile picture is a car does this mean your a TRANSFORMER!!!"
"DIET stands for Did I Eat That?"
"Nobody is as ugly as their ID pictures and nobody is as cute as their Facebook profile pics."
"It takes talent to ignore the people that are pissing you off...damn, I'm talented!"
"All the good things in life are either Bad, Fattening, or Illegal.. Isn't that just great!!"
"Live, Laugh, Love. If that doesn't work, Raise, Aim and Fire."
"You can't always control who walks into your life, but you do decide which window to throw them out of."
"Somebody should change their profile name to nobody so when they like something it will say nobody likes this."
"I'm in love with my bed, we're perfect for each other! But my alarm clock just doesn't seem to want us together!!"
"WARNING: I have officially been left unsupervised. I take no responsibility for what may happen in the next few hours."
"Money is made of paper, paper is made of wood, and wood is made from trees. Therefore, money does grow on trees."
"As I said before, I never repeat myself."
"Insert coin to view my status message."
“We are all either fools or undiscovered geniuses.”